Have you ever wondered how God can use someone as screwed-up as you. If so, you are in the same boat as me, and today it smells like a stinky fishing boat. Every once in a while I have one of those days in where I feel like Satan just puts me through the ringer and squeezes the life out of me. I feel beaten, abused and useless for the Lord.
So this morning I wake up feeling miserable…not physically, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually drained. Have you ever had one of those mornings…they usually follow a day in which you did something foolish, but not always. Sometimes you just wake up feeling grumpy for no particular reason. Usually they start off with a question from my wife that goes something like this, “Whats your problem today?”
Yeah, it doesn’t take long for her to notice my rancid deportment.
The problem with that question is that sometimes I really don’t know what is wrong with me…I’m just grumpy. I just feel like a loser. I feel like hibernating like a bear for a couple of months would be a favorable option.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t stop and wallow at my feet when I wake up grumpy. All of my responsibilities don’t vanish away when life gets icky. It just keeps moving forward with or without me. As much as I don’t like this when I’m down and out, it is probably a good thing. Staying in a rut doesn’t help anything or anyone.
To make matters worse, my kids don’t seem to change their demeanor either when I am having a bad day. They just go on being themselves. Don’t they understand that when I am having an off-day they need to be extra obedient. Mess making, fighting with each other, acting out, loud obnoxious noises and not going to bed when told is definitely not acceptable when I’m grumpy. It just adds to the, “I’m a loser syndrome” that I am emotionally encased in at the present time. So to add fuel to the fire, not only do I feel like a loser person, I feel like a loser parent.
So what do I do? After all I’m a man. I’m not supposed to be prone to these emotional catastrophes. I’m not supposed to act like my hormones have abducted my body and taking me captive. I’m a MAN!
All I can think to do is pray. Talk to my Lord and ask Him for help and comfort and peace. Tell Him what I’m going through and just spill my guts to Him. Ask Him to help me remember His truths. His mercy, His grace, His peace and comfort. Ask him for protection against the Devil and myself. It is comforting to know He listens to me at a time in which no one else would put up with my grumpy butt. It is wonderful to be able to chat with my Lord and Saviour.
Today I was reminded that Jesus is always there for me. He is always willing to listen. He is always willing to help.
I was also reminded today that Jesus is in the business of using screw-ups…Whew! I was beginning to think I was a lost cause. And NO, I’m not pregnant…that is physically impossible.